There was a spring election for the Hubbard Rural Fire Protection District, about 30 miles southwest of Portland, OR. It is a small district, about 7 square miles, covering some 5,000 residents. Three positions were open, only 2 candidates filed, both incumbents. They both won handily. But the low voter turnout for this off off season election meant that it came down to the write-ins for the third position. We in the PNW usually take our fire district elections very seriously. I don’t know what they are smoking out there in Marion County. But I digress. There were 20 names, five of which got 2 votes each. I’m guessing there was only one each for Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. There may even have been one for Sasquatch. Whatever could we do to solve this problem???
We roll a 12 sided die. None of the write-ins were there but they all had stand-ins. Can we have a drum roll please while someone tosses the die?
Unbelievably, the first roll had 3 of the 5 come up with 10s. So drum roll once again please.
The dice don’t lie. The new would-be Fire District Commissioner, who is not paid, but is part of a board that oversees 6 paid staff (2 seasonal) and 26 volunteers is DONALD J. TRUMP, whose surrogate rolled him a 12. See? He can still win an election!
But wait just a minute. He has to own property or live in the district. They’re working on determining if he is eligible. I needed this laugh today. Seriously.